Dinner is Out of All Proportion!

Do you think you are getting a good deal when you order food at a restaurant and the plate that arrives in front of you is roughly 16" in diameter and absolutely covered in cuisine? Well think again!

All foods are permissible (obviously with the exception of food allergies or serious health concerns) but not all foods are good for us! The less healthy foods should be eaten rarely and in small amounts, but not banished all together from our plates.

Try to keep to these portion control standards:



A steak should be about the size of an iPod classic.

A serving of pasta should be about the size of your fist.

A pat or butter is about the size of a postage stamp.



A serving of cheese is 1 oz., about the size of a small matchbox or your littlest finger.

A baked potato should be about the size of a computer mouse, and not the mini mouse variety.

A pancake should be about the size of a cd or dvd.

A serving of salad dressing is about 1 shot glass full.

A serving of beans is ab out the size of a light bulb.

A serving of fish is about the size of a checkbook.

A serving of rice, preferable brown or wild rice, is about the size of a baseball.



A serving of chocolate, dark chocolate is best, is the size of a dental floss container.

Not one of these is outrageously limiting! I adore sweets, I just don't eat them every day and I try to limit myself to the 3 bites rule, and the bites are not small!

Movie Monsters

Heading to the movies anytime soon? It's like a horror show regardless of the film you choose if you head to the snack bar.



Admit One - to the cardiac unit
Did you know that a medium popcorn and a medium soda have 1600 calories? 60 of fat? That's the same as 3 quarter pounders with cheese AND 12 pats of butter (3 oz.). Even if you have them leave off the butter the kernels have already been popped in a hot bath of trans fats. (Trans fats are man made fats that sit in your system and do not leave!) As for counting calories, A large bucket of kernels holds about 1,100, shockingly close to most weight loss diet's caloric limit for the entire day (about 1,200 to 1,500).

More terrifying film food facts:

Large Buttered Popcorn (20 cups): 1500 calories, 116g fat, 90g carbs
Hot Dog (1 dog with bun): 305 calories, 4.5g fat, 23g carbs
Nachos with Cheese (large, 4 oz): 1101 calories, 59g fat, 131.5g carbs
Soft Pretzel (large): 483 calories, 4.5g fat, 99g carbs
Cotton Candy (2.5 oz): 300 calories, 0g fat, 74g carbs
Junior Mints (3 oz): 320 calories, 5g fat, 68g carbs
Milk Duds (3 oz): 340 calories, 12g fat, 56g carbs
Sno-Caps (3.1 oz): 360 calories, 16g fat, 60g carbs



Raisinets (3.5 oz): 380 calories, 16g fat, 64g carbs
Gummi Bears (4 oz): 390 calories, 0g fat, 90g carbs
Goobers (3.5 oz): 525 calories, 35g fat, 55g carbs
Twizzlers (6 oz): 600 calories, 4g fat, 136g carbs
M&M's (5.3 oz): 735 calories, 31.5g fat, 105g carbs
Skittles (6.75 oz): 765 calories, 9g fat, 166.5g carbs
Reese's Pieces (8 oz): 1200 calories, 60g fat, 138g carbs
Starburst (24 pieces): 480 calories, 10.5g fat, 99g carbs
Coca-Cola with ice (large, 3 pints, 18.9 fl oz): 353 calories, 0g fat, 88.4g carbs

If you buy food, your best bets are to split either Junior Mints or cotton candy with a friend or loved one, however, I recommend taking your own snack. I reuse to worry about upsetting the management by bringing in food when the items they sell are so outrageously unhealthy! Take in a print out of these food facts and flash it in the face of the middle management stooge that dares to ask about your snacking from home. It's actually doctor prescribed, see here.

One of the very best things you can do to make sure you aren't tempted in to indulging at the snack bar is to eat BEFORE you go to the theater.






The best snacks are things like:
high fiber granola bars - Kelloggs Antioxidant Dark Chocolate Almond are amazing!
dried fruit - raisins, dried cranberries, or dried cherries
2% fat string cheese
Any of the various 100 calorie packs* - which you can make yourself at a fraction of the cost if you read labels and have a kitchen food scale
nuts - be careful of salted and honey roasted varieties

You can also pop some 94% fat free, buttery popcorn at home and bring it with you! Especially at movie theaters connected to malls, carrying in a shopping bad, smaller gym bag or a very large purse is not uncommon. Personally I have a back injury that doe not appreciate how the theater seats tip backwards a bit to be more "comfortable". For me, the seats are very painful after just 30 minutes. I carry a canvas grocery tote with a small pillow and a neck roll...and a few snacks!

I have chosen to bring my own snacks more times than I can count and never been questioned once. Sit in the middle of a row and let whatever happens happen. Do you want to eat at the theater? Do you want to avoid the lethal offerings they will never hesitate to temp you with? So what if the middle management guy in the suit reprimands your snacking... just don't opt for a canned beverage. That opening "click" and "spritz" sounds massive between previews!

* Beware the use of high sugar 100 calorie packs. They are just mini bombs that spike your sugar levels, inducing more insulin to be mad in your body and triggering a "hoard the fat cells" response.

Spaghetti Night

Have you ever looked at the ingredients in most spaghetti sauces. Why do they include sugar? Tomatoes are sweet if they are picked at the right time, why add sugar? Here is an easy, home sauce that is very little more work than opening a jar.


Marinara Sauce with Meat

• 1/2 pound ground turkey or ground beef
• 1/2 pound Italian spicy sausage - hot, medium, or mild (can use Italian turkey sausage if desired)
• 1 - 29oz. can crushed tomatoes
• 1 small can tomato paste
• 2 t. garlic powder (not garlic salt)
• 1 t. basil
• 1/2 t. oregano

1. Brown and drain meats.
2. Add all other ingredients and mix.
3. Allow to simmer for 15-20 minutes or, for more flavor, cook in crock pot for 3-4 hours on high.

That's it! I know it's amazing an simple. Pair with an SmartTaste pasta and you have and outstanding - and healthy meal.

Music for dinner should include:

• Tarantella Napoletana
• Si Maritau Rosa
• Piu Bellu di Peppe Non Ce
• Thats Amore
• Funiculi Funicula

Ode to an Egg: Weight Loss & Muscle

The egg: to eat or not to eat? That is the age long question.

The answer is both!

Egg whites are cholesterol and saturated fat free. So when people talk about the cholesterol in eggs, they are really talking about the saturated fat and cholesterol levels in egg yolk. Also, more that half of the protein in an egg is contained in the white as opposed to the yolk (3.5 g in the white, 2.5g in the yolk in an average 50 gram egg).

My simple solution it only eat the white of the egg, and eat it often! The whites of 1 dozen large eggs fits quite perfectly in an 18 screw top container. I keep mine in an empty and washed out peanut butter container (Not recommended if you have peanut allergies, but why would you have and empty peanut butter jar in the first place if you have peanut allergies...anyway...)

If you find you are squeamish about eating a plate of albino scrambled eggs, just add 6 drops of yellow food color to 1 dozen egg whites.

Tip: When separating eggs, if you lose a piece of shell in your whites, use a large piece of shell to retrieve it. The egg shell attracts the bit of wayward shell. I don't know why but it does work.

Alternatively, you can buy egg beaters or egg substitute, but it's actually less expensive to buy catrons of whole eggs and separate them yourself. My 18oz of egg white is about $1.29, as opposed to $2.50 or sometimes over $3.00 for egg whites already in a carton.

1/2 cup of egg white = 2 eggs

Weight Loss

It has been scientifically proven that people who start their day with eggs will eat approx. 20% less food over the course of their day. The high protein in eggs is very filing and people just don't feel as hungry at meals and snacking is significantly decreased.

See one of many articles on the subject here.

It is also a fact that consuming carbohydrates will actually cause your body to crave more carbohydrates, so starting your day with a high amount of carbs is a terrible idea! Especially since you will be breaking an overnight fast. Your body wants protein and if you give it carbs after a lengthy time without food your blood sugar levels will spike, causing your pancreas to work overtime (type 2 diabetis here we come!) and them plummet, causing hunger. What will you be hungry for? More carbs!

Eating eggs for breakfast instead of bagels, cereal, instant oatmeal, toast, or McMuffins will cause your carb desires to be put of until later in the day. As result you will crave carbs for smaller portion of your day instead of all day!

If you do choose to eat oatmeal, be sure it is not the instant add water type. All traditional breakfast carbs are less harmful if you add fiber to the meal. Everyone should eat 4 grams of fiber at every meal to prevent a sugar spike.

I love breakfast cereals, I just don't eat them for breakfast. Snacking on some of the healthier cereals, or the naughty ones with mini marshmallows with added fiber, is a great idea for later in the day.



Building Muscle

1/2 cup of egg white contains 130 mg of calcium. It has been proven that calcium and protein in combination helps build muscle. The more muscle mass you have the more calories you will burn whether you are running, biking, doing sit-ups, or just sitting still.

The human body needs at least 1000 mg of calcium per day, so drink you milk (skim is best - try organic for outstanding flavor skim milk) and/or take a calcium supplement.

How to Cook Your Eggs

Scrambled

1. Heat small skillet on medium low.
2. Pour 1/2 c. egg whited in to a 1 cup glass or plastic liquid measuring cup.
3. Add enough skim milk to bring the total liquid to 2/3 cup.
4. Whisk egg and milk with a little salt and pepper.
5. Spray skillet with nonstick cooking spray.
6. Add egg mix to skillet and cook, moving eggs around constantly with a rubber spatula.
7. Don't let the eggs brown.
8. Serve hot.

Optional add ins:

• fat free or 2% cheddar or Swiss cheese
• 1/4 teaspoon real bacon bits
• 1/4 teaspoon dried minced onion
• 1/8 teaspoon dill weed
  

Fried Eggs

1. Heat small skillet on medium low.
2. Add 1/2 teaspoon butter substitute (not trans fatty margarine!) and let it melt.
3. Measure out 1/2 cup egg whites.
4. Add to skillet.
5. Add salt and pepper.
6. Turn eggs when slightly golden brown in spots.
7. Serve hot.

Omelet
This one is a bit tricky and takes a few tries to get right.

1. Heat a very small skillet (6") on medium low.
2. Pour 1/2 c. egg whited in to a 1 cup glass or plastic liquid measuring cup.
3. Add enough skim milk to bring the total liquid to 2/3 cup.
4. Whisk egg and milk with a little salt and pepper.
5. Add 1/2 teaspoon butter substitute (not trans fatty margarine!) and let it melt.
6. Add egg mix to skillet.
   
7. Use a fork to very gently break up cooked bits of egg as they form.
   
8. Don't let the eggs brown.
9. Run a rubber spatula around the edge of the egg to loosen from the pan, also allowing uncooked egg to flow underneath the cook egg.
   
10. When egg is cooked, but not brown, turn omelet over.
11. Immediately add 2 tablespoons fat free or 2% cheddar or Swiss cheese to 1/2 side of the omelet.
12. It will only take about a minute for the egg to finish cooking once it's flipped over.
13. Turn off fire. Gentle fold omelet in half or roll into a tube shape.
    
14. Serve hot.

Be creative about the filling you add if you like.


Quiche

Easy to make with or without a crust. Without a crust is healthier as it lowers the fat and carb count. If you use a crust, any crust recipe will do, or you can use a store bought crust.

1. Heat oven to 425 degrees.
   
2. Grease an 8" or 9" pie plate.
3. Add shell to plate, if desired, and poke 20 or so sets of holes in it with a fork.
4. (Only if using pie shell) Line pie crust with double layer of foil and bake for 10 minutes. Removed from oven and carefully remove foil.
   
5. Add 2/3 cup of cooked ham, turkey ham, bacon or vegetables (or any combination) to the pie plate and spread out evenly.
6. Add 1/3 cup finely chopped onion and spread out evenly.
7. Add 1 cup shredded fat free or 2% cheddar or Swiss cheese and spread out evenly.
8. Whisk together 1 1/2 cups egg whites (equal to 6 eggs) and 1/2 cup milk with 1/2 t. salt and a dash of pepper.
   
9. Pour egg mix over the fillings.
10. Bake for 15 minutes, then reduce oven temp to 300 degrees and bake an additional 45 -60 minutes until a knife inserted about 1" from the edge of the crust comes out clean.
11. Let stand about 10 minutes before serving.
12. Recommendation: serve with fresh fruit.
    

The only song that could possible accompany this post is:

Ballet of the Unhatched Chicks

This youtube offering even comes with a funny cartoon. Enjoy!

Coffee, Tea and Me - Part 3: Cider and Hot Cocoa

Today's entry must be a short and to the point post. Life got busy the last couple days and I have had a splitting headache most of today thanks to change in the weather. We are experience a heat wave of 32 degrees at the moment! Good old Ohio weather.

Anyway, the two remaining hot drinks I simply cannot do without are caramel apple cider and homemade hot chocolate. No packets of Swiss Miss in my house!

Caramel Apple Cider

12 oz. Healthy Harvest 75% sugar free apple juice (or any Apple Cider/apple juice)
2 teaspoon of Sugar free or regular Caramel Syrup
1 t. cinnamon syrup* (see below)
Top w/ fat free cool whip and/or a cinnamon stick, if desired.

Cinnamon syrup

• Combine 1 c. Splenda or sugar with 1 c. water.
  
• Add 6 T. cinnamon
  
• Bring to a boil.
  
• Let simmer 10 minutes with splenda or 5 minutes with sugar.
  
• Cool and store in airtight container.
  

This version is much more flavorful than Starbucks version of the same. You can even mix it all up ahead of time and put it in the fridge. Just give it a shake before you pour it into a pan to heat on the stove or a mug to heat in the microwave. A meat or candy thermometer is useful. I like my drinks about 140 degrees.

*I have found that if you don't want to bother with the cinnamon syrup, if you heat with a cinnamon stick or 2 you get some cinnamon flavor, although to as much as if you use the syrup.

Homemade Hot Chocolate Mix

• 3/4 cup cocoa powder
• 1 cup. sugar or splenda
• 2 cup dry milk

Combine all and keep in an air tight container. To make 1 cup hot chocolate, combine 1/3 cup of mix with 2 tablespoons of boiling water in a mug. Mix thoroughly. Add 3/4 cup water and microwave in 30 second increments until is it your desired temperature.

To make a large batch for a crowd, combine entire amount of mix with 1 cup boiling water in a dutch oven on the stove top. Add 10-11 cups of water and heat your desired temperature. Can be kept warm in a crock pot. Again a meat or candy thermometer is useful - and I like my drinks about 140 degrees.

Best music for these drinks is any laid back Michael Buble song.

Try on of these:

• Home



• Call Me Irresponsible

Coffee, Tea, and Me - Part 2: Coffee/Espresso

Now on to coffee...

I have enjoyed coffee from my first tentative sip at the tender age of 14. I stopped growing at the age of 13 and the height of 5'3", so no concerns that this early introduction to caffeine stunted my growth. Believe me, my height is completely genetic, and I didn't start drink it with any sort of regularity until about 17 years of age. Before Starbucks, if any of you can remember that long ago - or perhaps you've just blocked it out as a traumatic time - I had coffee from the kitchen coffee maker and occasionally grandma's coffee urn. It was nice. Warm and tasty with a pinch of sugar and a drop of milk. Then, though I know no why, I set my heart on my very own espresso machine. Upon graduating high school, I took the generous monetary gifts of friend and family and immediately purchased a $30 espresso machine among many other essentials for going to college. That machine brought many friends into my life. When I open my dorm room door and fired it up, fellow collegians arrived at my door with a friendly smiles and coffee mugs in hand. It was really awesome! I met many friends in this manner.

This same machine started my married life with me 5 years later, until finally giving up to be replaced by a $75 machine that made both coffee and espresso, and later a $95 machine bought for $35 on craigslist. The latest machine was outstanding! The smoothest espresso I had ever tasted flowed bountifully from within it's stainless walls. When it stopped working one day, I nearly cried. Not only because it was the loss of a cherished, and beloved small appliance, but because I didn't have the money to replace it right away with a remotely comparable machine!

While desperately searching for another $35 miracle, I came across a stove-top espresso machine for $15 at Kitchencollection.com. Well it would do in the meantime, was my thought. I was wrong. I would do forever! I love it! The acidity is almost untraceable, the flavor is smooth as silk and it is just as fast, if not faster that using a machine. The only drawback is the lack of frothing nozzle, but a frothing wand - sold separately for under $15 - fixes that right up.

Stove Top Espresso Maker

Several months later, my DH (dear husband) and I were asked to house sit a log cabin home. We jumped at the opportunity, packed our bags, and tossed our dog and coffee paraphernalia into the Pontiac and headed out - only to find that our vacation digs didn't have a coffee machine! Again Shock! Horror! While shopping at a local outlet mall we came across my DH's favorite coffee (Whole Bean Sumatra Sunset by Boca Java) at an outstanding price. We had the bean grinder - never leave home overnight without it - and decided to look for an inexpensive coffee maker. Just two shelved lower we saw it. A stove top coffee peculator that makes 8 cups of coffee and was a mere $14.99. Why not try it? We love the espresso on the stove top, maybe coffee could be great that way, too .

Oh, wow! When we came home, we moved our coffee machine from the counter top to a pantry shelf where it has remained, neglected and abandoned in favor of a simpler and more delicious way of making coffee. Again, the acidity is much lower than coffee from a machine and there is no objectionable, lingering aftertaste.

Stove Top Coffee Peculator

Last but not least, we always grind our own beans. The grinder we have has different settings of fine (for espresso), medium (for coffee machines), and coarse (for peculators), as well as settings for 4-12 cups worth of coffee or espresso beans. We also like Boca Java coffee. If you order it online, the beans are not even roasted until your order is placed. Talk about fresh and wonderful! They have especially temping introductory deals too.

Some useful info about espresso drinks:

• Affogato - Espresso over ice cream, traditionally vanilla, but I like chocolate, too!
• Americano - or cafe Americano; espresso and hot water, classically using equal parts each. It tastes very watered down and I do not like it.
• Black Eye - or red-eye or Canadiano; a cup of drip coffee with two shots of espresso in it.
• Breve - espresso with half and half
• Cappuccino - Traditionally, one-third espresso, one-third steamed milk, and one-third I prefer the latte, as the foam is just wasting expensive space in a cafe bought cup, however at home I like a cappuccino from time to time.
• Doppio - two shots of espresso
• Latte - An espresso based drink with a volume of steamed milk, served with either a thin layer of foam or none at all, depending on the shop or customer's preference.
• Macchiato - A small amount of milk or, sometimes, its foam is spooned onto the espresso.
• Mocha - a latte blended with chocolate. (Note: This is not to be confused with the region of Yemen or the coffee associated with that region - which is often seen as 1/2 of the blend "mocha java").

Coffee evokes the feel of several types of music for me. The folk style is more in keeping with a coffee house set, however flamenco guitar seems totally espresso induced to me. A bit spastic and gorgeous all at once.

Folk: Kate Rusby - Awkward Annie

Flamenco: Chuck on the Guitar

Now that you can make outstanding espresso and coffee in your own kitchen I must suggest you invest in a a great to go cup (Copco To Go Cup) or a stack of throw away 16 oz cups and plastic lids. $$ to be saved with minimal effort on your part! If you want to put in a bit of effort you can create you own designer drink in minutes with one of the following recipes. Feel free to use sugar free syrup if you choose in any of the recipes. The seeming infinite array of flavored coffee syrups are well worth looking into.

These are simple drinks that all follow the same rules: For a hot drink, steam or microwave the milk. For an iced drink, use cold milk and pour all over ice. These are all approx. 14 oz drinks. Whipped topping, preferable fat free, is always an optional topping. Coco or cinnamon sprinkled on top is great, too.

Milky Way

• 1 shot espresso
• 1 oz chocolate syrup
• 1 oz caramel syrup
• 10 oz milk

Caramel Latte

• 1 shots espresso
• 2 oz caramel syrup
• 10 oz milk

Black and Gold

• 1 shot espresso
• 1 oz chocolate syrup
• 1 oz honey
• 10 oz milk

S'more Latte

• 1 shot espresso
• 1 oz chocolate syrup
• 1 oz marshmallow cream
  
• 10 oz milk

Cappuccino

• 2 shots espresso
• 8 oz milk

Macchiato

• 3-4 shots espresso
• 4 oz milk
  

And slightly more complicated...
Pumpkin Pie Latte

• 3 heaping T. canned pumpkin
• 2 T. Vanilla syrup (sugar free is great!)
• 1/4 tsp. pumpkin pie spice

(You can also order Pumpkin Spice syrup from Monin, maybe even your local Starbucks will sell you some. If so use a 1 T. of Pumpkin Spice Syrup)

• 1 cup milk
• 1-2 shots espresso

In a small saucepan, stir pumpkin puree into milk. Add vanilla syrup and pumpkin pie spice. Heat gently, continuing to stirring occasionally just until steaming and foam begins to appear. (Alternatively, you can combine the ingredients in a microwave safe cup and microwave for about 2 - 2 1/2 minutes, stirring a couple times.) Pour pumpkin flavored milk into a tall mug and pour espresso over. Top with fat free whip cream, if desired, and a dash of pumpkin pie spice.

Tomorrow we will discuss hot chocolate and cider. Looking forward to it!

Coffee, Tea, and Me - Part 1: Tea

Although I try to always adhere to the fact that all people are created equal and that a good Christian always puts others first and self last, there is one area of my life where my inner snob emerges and runs wild with abandon: hot beverages. Shock! Horror!

(Although coffee enjoys more popularity in America than tea, I will cover tea first because it was my first love. See Tuesday and Wednesday's blogs for info on coffee, hot chocolate, and cider.)

To be honest, I don't remember where or how it all began. I do remember making my first cup of hot tea, as opposed to the iced tea I'd grown up on. I made it in the kitchen and then took it to my room to drink. I was about 14 or 15, I believe. I took a sip and was astonished to find that I disliked it because it tasted just like unsweetened iced tea! (My southern roots are showing a bit here.) So I added a bit of sugar and promptly fell in love! My mother was the first to label me a "tea snob" sometime around the age of 20, when I discovered the "paperbagless" taste of loose leaf tea from a metal canister as opposed to mini envelopes of generic Lipton from a cardboard cube.





Most directions for making tea in this way tell you to use one teaspoon of tea per person and one for the pot. Ignore that advice! It forgets to take into account the size of the pot, the thirst of the tea drinkers, and several other elements like refills and preferred strength. It just makes no sense. I fill the bottom half of the infuser(pictured above with my favorite loose leaf tea) with dry tealeaves. No more! This amount is quite perfect for one pot of tea. Actually, I'm just going to do this like another recipe.


The Perfect Pot of Tea

No, don't laugh. Everybody has to start somewhere. For years I heated water in the microwave oven and dunked teabags. After discovering the infuser I have never gone back to teabags.

Here's the equipment you'll need:

• Water - No kidding. Use tap water or filtered, as you like. (Please don't use distilled!)
• Something to heat the water in.This can be anything from a teakettle to a saucepan.
• A bag or a box of loose tea.
• A ceramic teapot.
• (China is good, too. But although silver looks classy, many people believe it gives tea a metallic taste.)
• Something to strain the tea with, a tea infuser is my choice. (More on this later.)
• Teaspoons and cups.

Not too tricky so far, right? Now before we get started, let's talk about the water.

It must be very, very hot in order for the tea to steep properly. But don't boil the "life" out of it, or your tea will taste flat. Take the pan or teakettle off the heat just before it breaks into a rolling boil. (You know, when the water makes those cute little bubbles on the edges of the saucepan.)
If using a tea kettle, take it off the heat just when you hear it start to bubble, before te whistle goes off.

And now we'll make the tea:

Warm the teapot by filling it with hot tap water and letting it sit while you heat your tea-water. (Don't empty it until just before the tea-water begins to boil.) This prevents the hot water from cracking a cold pot. If you don't know the capacity of your teapot, measure the tap water as you pour it out. (Six-cup teapots are the most common size, but double-check, as the six-cup variety is the size I use with the 1/2 infuser amount tealeaves.) After you've emptied the "warming-up" water, place your half filled tea infuser into the pot before the water.

Pour the almost-boiling water over the tea. Replace the teapot's lid and let your tea steep for 3-5 minutes, according to taste. (Read the directions on your box of tea for a hint on steeping times. Some teas take longer.)

Some teapots come with little ceramic baskets built in, but you can buy plastic mesh strainer-baskets in any cooking store. The tea leaves are placed in these baskets in these cased and an infuser is not necessary. Both of these are easy to remove when the tea is ready.

Enjoy your tea plain or with milk, lemon, honey, sugar, splenda, stevia...whatever, except cream or half and half. Aside from the unnecessary and terrifying amount of saturated fat and calories they will add to your very healthy beverage, cream curdles in tea.

Additional notes:
If you like stronger tea, don't steep it longer, just use more tea. Longer steeping makes tea bitter, not stronger. (Just like coffee.)

Tea cozies are a great invention. They are an insulated cover for the pot. They'll keep your tea warm until you get to that second or third cup. Just don't cover the pot until you've taken the tea leaves out of it. (That's called "stewing" the tea, and trust me--your wonderful tea will quickly become undrinkable.)

Finding a few stray tea leaves in the bottom of your cup is charming, not "gross".

Pizza Tonight

I've been battling sinus "ick" for about a week now, and last night I just didn't feel like making dinner. I had already managed to do several things around the house while snowed in from my weekly trip to Urbana on Thursday, and I was just exhausted! Yet as my dear husband suggested ordering a pizza for dinner, my fiscal sensibilities reeled as I remembered the huge grocery trip I had just made the day before.

Then I remembered, I bought everything I needed to make pizza at home! I offered to make dinner if he would help, a ridiculous proposal. He's always ready to lend a hand in the kitchen. He's the best sous-chef (french for "under chef") a girl could ask for!

PIZZA

While shopping the previous day, I had taken a moment to read labels in the pizza crust section. By far the best bet was a just-add-water dry mix in a pouch. The fat and calorie count were reasonable and even the saturated fat was low, much lower than the already made, ready to bake crusts. On top of that, it was the Walmart off brand and just $0.46! Deciding that I could also add powdered fiber to the mix because it was in an unprepared form I bought 4 packets as well as pizza sauce. Pizza sauce is a healthy bet if the ingredients are all natural and don't include sugar. The sauce I bought was just 30 calories for 1/4 cup. Tip: 2 packets of crust can make one 18" pizza for just $0.92!

A healthy base for a pizza is a marvelous thing, but it's the toppings that will get you every time! My advice is pile on the veggies! I chose yellow onion, mushrooms, and green olives. (Watch the sodium count and go a bit easy on on olives!) I did decide to add 1/3 cup chopped turkey ham as well. Another favorite I passed on this time is pineapple, often paired with ham on pizza.

The final topping, and perhaps the most dangerous, is cheese. I decided to go 1/2 2% mozzarella and 1/2 full fat Italian cheese blend from Sargento. The total cheese I used was 1 1/2 cup. You could get away with 1 cup if you like. I also like to sprinkle basil on top of the pizza before it goes in the oven.

One secret to a perfect pizza crust is to spray the crust with a non-stick cooking spray (olive oil or canola oil work best) before you top it with sauce. The spray creates a barrier against the sauce soaking into the crust, and the result is a crispy crust instead of a soggy one!

I rolled out the pizza (which is about a 12 or 14" thin crust) on my round pizza stone, adding just a little flour to keep the rolling pin from sticking to the dough, and then baked it in a 475 degree oven for 13 minutes. The package called for 9-11 minutes in the oven, but anything cooked on a stone requires a couple minutes more to be done. The cheese melted perfectly and was golden brown in several spots.

The crust was perfect! We were both very impressed. It was even very manageable when cut into wedges and hand held.

The entire process was actually fun and the result was outstanding! I'm so glad we didn't order out last night!

The song that springs to mind when making pizza is actually a tenor piece called "O Sole Mio" - translation: It's my own sun is. Pizza is round like the sun, and as my husband commented when removing it from the oven: "It's the temperature of the sun, as all good pizzas should be." The song is also Neapolitan, as in the city of Naples, Italy, where pizza is traditionally believed to have been invented.

One of several stories behind the invention of pizza, is that a restaurant chef in the mid to late 1800's wanted to give his leftover veggies, meats and cheeses to the poor and hungry if he could not use them before they spoiled. To make such a gift more convenient, he put the food on a flat bread and baked it in his brick oven. Yum!

Listen to O Sole Mio sung Luciano Pavarotti.

Salute! (sal-oo-tay /Italian for "good health")

Roast Beef and Cooking Terms

Before going any further down the path of "Make this - it's yummy..." I want to take a moment or two and demystify some cooking terms. Blanching, par boiling, and deglazing are not just for graduates of Le Cordon Bleu nor frequent patrons of William Sonoma. Those of us that learned from mom and the internet to cook with our Walmart and Target store brand cookware can do it, too, and with remarkable ease if we have it all explained in simple clear terms.

BEEF ROAST - see recipe below


Cooking Terms

• Blanch: Partially cook vegetables in boiling water. I can be used to soften the skins of vegetables for easier removal, especially great for skinning tomatoes. It's also used to prepare vegetables for canning or preserving.

• Bouquet garni: A French cooking method of tying whole herbs into a piece of cheesecloth, securing it with cotton string, and using it to flavor soups, sauces and other dishes. It keeps your cooking liquids clear of bits and pieces, preventing the "burst tea bag" phenomenon. I love the flavor of rosemary, but when it's stuck in your teeth the flavor quickly becomes old and irritating!

• Braise: To cook slowly in a covered pan, with a small amount of liquid -- can be used for meat or vegetables. The result is always extremely tender and very juicy.

• Caramelize: To cook until the sugar in the food has browned, as with onions or garlic. This process brings out the sweetness in the food and adds color. Brown food is good food. This simple concept escapes many, but it is so true! When making French Onion Soup, the onions reduce to about a 6th of their original volume and the pan looks nearly ruined by the time they are ready to have liquids added. (See "deglaze" for the correct method of saving your "ruined" pot)

• Cream: A method used in baking, in which sugar and butter are combined in small amounts, mixing thoroughly between additions. This method incorporates air into the sugar/butter mixture and makes for a tender baked result.

• Deglaze: To pour water, wine, broth or other liquid into a hot pan where meat or vegetables have been cooked. The process loosens the browned crumbs in the pan, and may provide a base for gravy or sauce.

• Dredge: To coat meat or vegetables in a dry mixture such as flour or breadcrumbs, prior to cooking.

• Flambé: To ignite warmed spirits(alcohol) in a pan of food, often a dessert, for effect, and to caramelize the dish. To be honest I've never done a flambéd dish at home. Being married to a firefighter, I really don't know why I've not tried it. Perhaps I'll have Caleb grab a fire extinguisher and stand by one day soon and I'll let you know how it goes.

• Fold: To gently incorporate ingredients together, usually with a scraper or spoon. Often used to blend whipped cream with other ingredients. The idea is that you do NOT stir the ingredients. Usually if you are folding something into something else one of the "somethings" has had air whipped into it (i.e. egg whites or whipped cream). Stirring them would release the air, but folding is a much gentler process that keeps in the whipped air.

• Parboil: To partially cook vegetables in boiling water, to be finished by another cooking method.
Pretzels and bagels get their chewy texture from parboiling, but meats such as ribs can be parboiled, too)

• Poach: To simmer a food in liquid at just below the boiling point -- usually eggs or fish. Can be very tricky! Eggs should be cracked into a small dish or cup and then gently slid into boiling water from right over the bubbles, not from any height at all! Some people use white vinegar in the water, but it's not really necessary. Poached food are also very easy to digest and don't require any added oil to cook while retaining moisture.

• Rolling boil: When a liquid is boiling, and cannot be stirred down to below boiling point. In other words, if you stir it and the bubbles don't stop, you're good!

• Sauté: To quickly cook vegetables or meat on the stove top at a high heat. This method uses only a small amount of fat. (or chicken broth)

• Scald: To heat milk or cream to just below the boiling point. Milk is scalded when steam rises from it. Always heat dairy products on medium heat to avoid them sticking to and burning onto you pan.

• Sear: To brown meat all over to create a crust, to be finished with another cooking method. I always sear meat before putting it into a crock-pot or roasting pan. Only exceptions are ground beef, while mush be full browned, and whole turkeys. Whole chickens can be seared, and since "brown food is good food", I do recommend searing them.

• Soft/stiff peaks: When beating egg whites, a soft peak is reached when the beaters are pulled out of the whites and the peaks that form droop. Stiff peaks do not droop, but hold their shape.

• Sweat: To slowly cook vegetables in a covered pan until they are soft, but still hold their shape. This is often done with onions or garlic.

• Temper: To gently heat a food, often before adding it to a hotter substance. One example is adding a teaspoon or so of hot sauce to beaten eggs. The mixture is blended and then added to the sauce. This keeps the eggs from turning into scrambled eggs, which are no good in a sauce. The method is also used in candy-making with chocolate.

I know I just did a past recipe, but this recipe uses several of these methods of preparation. The recipe may look overwhelming, but it's actually quite easy and very impressive! ( A simpler recipe for Beef or Pork Roast follows.) Please don't be put off by the amount of wine in this dish. It cooks off quite nicely.

BRAISED BEEF WITH TORTELLINI

• 3 tablespoons olive oil
• 4 lbs beef short ribs, cut into 1-2 inch medallions (pieces)
• 3 onions, chopped
• 4 cloves garlic, minced
• 3 cans (28 oz each) whole tomatoes, undrained, chopped
• 1 1/2 cups Marsala wine
• 4 teaspoons dried basil
• 1 tablespoon dried thyme
• salt and pepper to taste
• hot boiled tortellini (Cheese filled)
• 2 tablespoons of parsley (for garnish)

Over medium-high heat, preheat oil in large deep skillet or pan. Sear the short ribs, transfer to large plate when done (don't drain liquid from pan.)

Over low heat, soften chopped onions in the fat remaining in the skillet. (Saute)

Add and cook minced garlic for about 1 minute, stirring. (more sauteing)

Return short ribs to pan (to parboil!) . Deglaze pan with 2-3 tablespoons of the Marsala. After loosening the browned bits add remaining Marsala wine and cook until liquid is reduced by at least half. Pour in chopped, undrained tomatoes, crushed basil and thyme. Add salt and pepper to taste. Bring to a rolling boil, transfer to casserole dish.

Place in preheated oven (300-350 degrees F) for about 2 1/2 hours, until meat is tender or a crock pot for 6-7 hours on low.

Serve over pasta. Garnish with parsley.

Serves 6-8

BEEF OR PORK ROAST

• 4-3 lbs. roast

dreg in flour, salt and pepper

Brown in frying pan with cooking spray.

Do not rinse or clean pan. You will use again.

• 2 large yellow onion (slice in ½ rings)
• 2 c. beef stock (broth is alright, too)
• 1 c. red wine (optional)
  
• salt and pepper

After roast is browned placed in crock pot (also coated with cooking spray)

Separate onion rings and place over roast. Add stock and wine.

• 4 T. corn starch
• 2/3 - 1 c. beef stock
• 1 c. dry milk
• 1 ½ t. thyme

Mix corn starch and 2/3 c. stock. Add to frying pan that had browned beef. Deglaze pan to loosen brown bits. Add dry milk and thyme. Cook over low heat and whisk while it thickens. When thick pour over roast.

Place lid on crock pot and cook on high for 3-4 hours or low for 6-7 hours.

Optional and recommended: Add carrots and or potatoes (cut in wedges) to crock pot when you add onion.

Leftover beef and gravy mixed with cooked egg noodles is a killer Beef and Noodles, best served over mashed potatoes.

So what song is in my head as I write? I taught a couple voice lessons today, and one students is working on a song from The Secret Garden called "Hold On". It's not really a soprano piece, sitting firmly in the alto range much lower than I am used to, but the lyrics and music are wonderful.

What you've got to do is
Finish what you have begun,
I don't know just how,
But it's not over 'til you've won!

You can live a life full of beautiful peace and beautiful food without stress and with time to spare for you and your God-instilled needs.

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. — John 14:27

Jesus said that. Awesome!

Chili & Low Fat, High Trouble:Bad "Diet" Food

Most everyone knows by now to avoid transfats like the proverbial plague, but what about low fat and fat free foods? Have you ever wondered what replaces these removed fats in the "diet" foods?

Low fat and fat free dairy is almost always the way to go. The fats removed from the milk that is used in these foods and beverages is not replaced by anything. The cheese may not melt as perfectly on top of pizza but the butter and ice cream are phenomenal!

Fat in food doesn't always equal fat added to the body. There are good fats and bad fats.

Bad Fats are:

Saturated fats raise total blood cholesterol as well as LDL cholesterol (the bad cholesterol). They are in meat, dairy, egg yolks and seafood. Some plant foods are also high in saturated fats such as coconut oil, palm oil and palm kernel oil.

Trans fats are invented as scientists began to "hydrogenate" liquid oils so that they can withstand better in food production process and provide a better shelf life. They are man made fats! As a result the trans fatty acids are formed and then used in many commercially packaged foods, commercially fried food such as French Fries from some fast food chains, other packaged snacks such as microwaved popcorn as well as in vegetable shortening and hard stick margarine.

The good fats are:

Monounsaturated fats (MUFAs) lower total cholesterol and LDL cholesterol (the bad cholesterol) while increasing HDL cholesterol (the good cholesterol). Nuts including peanuts, walnuts, almonds and pistachios, avocado, canola and olive oil are high in MUFAs. MUFAs have also been found to help in weight loss, particularly body fat.

If you don't eat enough goof fats you body will hang onto the fat stored in your body, and the fats in your body are not the good kind!

Then there are diet foods, with fats replaced by additives that your body is not designed to process.

Artificial sweeteners need to be examined too. Aspartame has a huge effect on mood and mental processes. It can cause depressed mood, anxiety, dizziness, panic attacks, nausea, irritability, impairment of memory and concentration. It also turns to formaldehyde at 89 degrees. Your body it 98.6. Consuming aspartame is embalming yourself while still alive!

No on have yet proved that Splenda will kill us, so it is my sweetener of choice, but in moderation.

Stevia (Purevia) is plant based and is as safe as drinking tea. Some of the Stevia products have a bit of after taste, but others don't. Try a variety to find the best type for you.

Also, one downfall of diet foods and drink is a tendency to over eat as result. "I'm having a diet drink so I can have a large fry instead of a small". It's only the difference of 330 calories, 16 grams of fat, 215 grams of sodium and on top of it all the embalming yourself thing from the drink! And none of those numbers reflect the burger!

Don't eat more because you think you are eating better! American portions of food are notoriously out of control. Those tiny portions many people make fun of in upscale restaurants are much more reasonable...in all ways except price!

Full fat cheeses are okay in moderation. Actually that are delicious! Fiber is the number one way to prevent blood sugar levels from spiking, a phenomenon that always leads to weight gain. A couple companies have developed a fiber powder that stirs into beverages and food without changing the taste or texture. I only notice them in water. Fiber rich foods are beans, whole grains, broccoli, raspberries, and green peas.

Chili is a great healthy food if you do it right.

Chili

• 1/2 lb. ground turkey, browned until it is slightly crispy (drained and rinsed of fat)
• 1 c. chopped pepper and onion mix (I use the cut up frozen kind.)
• 1 large can tomato juice
• 1 small can tomato paste
• 3-4 cans chili beans (mild, medium or hot)
• Optional: 1 can drained and rinsed kidney beans
• 2-3 T chili powder

Cook meat, add veg for a couple minutes to thaw.
Put all into a crockpot and cook for 3-4 hours on high, or 8-10 hours on low.

It takes about 15 minutes to prep. Easy and great! Fat free cheese is wonderful as topping.

This chili is roughly 100 calories per cup.

Cornbread goes beautifully with this chili.
I use a box of Jiffy mix. Make it according to box directions with the following substitutions and addition:

• fat free sour cream or fat free plain yogurt in place of the milk
• 2 egg whites instead of one whole egg or 1/4 egg substitute (like Eggbeaters)
  
• also add a couple teaspoons of fiber powder to the dry mix

If you like sweet cornbread mix 2 T of my butter of choice "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter" - Light with 2 T honey. Poke small holes in the hot cornbread and spread mix on top. When melted in eat!

The best song I can think of to go with Chili is the "Habanera" from Carmen for two reasons:

1. Habanera is also a spicy pepper.
2. The lyrics are (in French and English)

Tu crois le tenir, il t’evite (love me not, then I love you;)
Tu crois l’eviter, il te tient (if I love you, you'd best beware!)

So don't forget your Beano. Bon appitite!

Too Busy to Make a Great Meal? (Guiltless Alfredo)

How many times have you come to the end of you day feeling exhausted and even disoriented yet you wonder, "What did I do today?" or worse, "Did I accomplish anything today?". When we are in a hurry our brains are in high gear and extremely focused on speed, as result we cannot focus on an individual task.

I get up and start to make the bed, when I remember that the sheets need changed today. I might as well pull the current sheets off the bed and wash them, and as result the bed is now not only unmade, but the blankets are everywhere dotted with naked pillows. Once in the laundry area I see that a load of towels need removed from the dryer. The sheets go into the washer and the towels go into a basket. While moving the basket to an area where I can fold the towels I pass the kitchen counter and sink. The dishwasher needs emptied before I can put the dishes on the counter and sink in. So I sit down the basket on the table and start unloading the dishwasher. Halfway through unloading the dishwasher, I see a dish that I usually bake chicken in, reminding me that I need to get some chicken breasts out of the freezer and into the fridge to thaw for dinner. I want to bake it in Italian dressing, so I'd better make sure I have some. I do, but not much and the mayo is low, too. I'm also out of mustard, peanut butter, and wheat thins. I better make a grocery list. I like lists on the computer, so I sit down at the keyboard. I can check my email while I'm here, too! Google, Facebook, and ebay later...the phone rings. While chatting for a few with a friend I notice that the cats have strewn thread bits on the living room carpet. Vacuum time! Might as well do the dining room while I'm at it...the mantle needs dusted, too. And the mirror needs cleaned...so does the one in the bathroom...the sink needs wiped down...what about the toilet...yup! The bathroom rug should go in the wash...the sheets aren't done yet, just lay it on top the washer...grab the towels to fold on the couch...while sitting here folding the dishwasher could be running...I have to finish unloading...time to reload...better add dish washing liquid to the grocery list...who email me now?...faster, faster! Hurry, run! Fold, wash, spray, sweep, dust, sneeze! Straighten rugs, fluff pillows, wipe counters.

Why am I so tired? Why are there dirty dishes in a quiet dish washer, a vacuum sitting in my dining room, and a Windex bottle on the bathroom sink? I want a quick rest, but my bed is a mess and there are towels on my couch.

Exodus 20:11 - For in six days the LORD made the heavens and the earth, the sea, and all that is in them, but he rested on the seventh day. Therefore the LORD blessed the Sabbath day and made it holy.

Even God took a break! Everyday looked like the day above for me, and the days blended together after a while, until I realized that I was actually making more work for myself. My house looked cluttered because I found it difficult to finish anything working like this. The better way it make a list of what needs done and only work in one room at a time. If you go from the kitchen to the living room spotting 5 things that need done along the way, add them to the list and do them when you are working in the rooms where they are. You may only get to 1 or 2 rooms a day, but those rooms look good! Have you ever noticed that when your environment is cluttered your mind feels cluttered? A tidy area = a peaceful mind.

Oh, and what about that 7th day of rest. I know it's not a reality to expect everyone to drop everything on Sunday and rest, but one day of the week should be devoted to resting. A mind at rest is like resetting a computer. It organizes thoughts, thus the saying "I'll sleep on it." One day a week do something for yourself that you don't normally do. A book, a bath, a movie, a manicure...something!

That said...ever feel that you have no time to cook a healthy meal at home? Too many ingredients in healthier foods, not to mention the time to locate obscure ingredients in expensive specialty stores? Even though bigger supermarkets may have what I'm looking for, I live in the country, a good 20 from the small stores, and 45 minutes from the nearest big town.

Well no more! Healthy is easy, affordable, and best of all delicious!!

Imagine, strands of perfectly cooked pasta coated in a creamy, cheesy sauce, bits of bacony goodness and children (and husbands) eating green vegetables! This is no dream!

It's Spaghetti Carbonara in 20!

Low Fat Alfredo Sauce

Makes 4 very reasonable size portions. Serve with a salad on the side.

1. Mix:

• 2/3 c. dry nonfat milk (3.5)
• 1 c. skim milk (.5)
• 3 t flour (.0)

2. Put ingredients in sealed container and shake like mad!!! Until no lumps remain.
(I like to use a blender!)

3. Pour into sauce pan and heat over medium heat. (Not too high or bottom will burn)
Option: add ¼ t. garlic powder, ½ parsley
and/or ½ t. basil (to add more flavor)

4. When hot and beginning to thicken, turn off heat.

5. Add 2 T of heated sauce mix to:

• 4 TB Neufchatel cheese or low fat cream cheese (not fat free)

6. Mix until smooth and pour into sauce in pan.

7. Add:

• 1 - 1½ c grated Parmesan cheese
  

8. Stir until melted.

9. Toss with 12 oz. cooked spaghetti and 1 cup cooked broccoli florets.

(SmartTaste pasta is a Godsend! Purple box full of heavenly pasta full of fiber and protien that tastes like the very, very bad for you white flour variety. Cook according to "al dente" direction on the package and don't forget to stir it a few times while it's cooking.)

To cook the broccoli, simple add it to the boiling pasta for the final 3 minutes of the pasta cook time. Alternatively you can buy "Steamfreash", or store knock off, broccoli in a microwaveable steam bag and do it that way.

10. Toss just a few real bacon bits over the top of the pasta, veggies and sauce. Add salt and pepper to taste.

So very, very amazing! Enjoy and let know you reactions. Mine is "Hallelujah!" via Handel's Messiah. "For the Lord God omnipotent reignith...and He gave us pasta!"

New Year:Sing for Your Supper (PCOS Rant & Update)

Singing and cooking have so much in common, and I love both! Recipes are made from multiple ingredients - as are songs. Sweet, spicy, robust, and sour describe music or food. I have to be very careful about the way I cook and eat (I never have been able to cook something without eating some of it when it is finished...as well as taste tests along the way) because of a condition called PCOS (PolyCystic Ovarian Syndrome). Part of it is being "pre-diabetic" and often women with PCOS become diabetics later in life due to poor eating habits. Low calorie, low fat, are high fiber keys to coping. Sounds tasty, huh? Not so much. Well I like good food! I refuse to waste calorie intake on food that I don't absolutely love, and so I routinely try new recipes and modify old favorites to be healthy and bursting with good flavor.
In the same way, I love to learn to sing new music and improve old standards in my repertoire. I am a vocal coach, mostly working with children and young people ages 8 - 17. Hearing old favorites in their young voices and helping them to discover their voice is just as rewarding to me as an incredible low fat Alfredo sauce.
And so to wrap up this, my very first blog, I will include what I have come to fondly refer to as my "PCOS Rant". I wrote it five years ago (2005) while still struggling to find the right combo of diet and medication, and also attempting to conceive a child. So much has changed since then. Looking at where I have come from is illuminating and highlights the blessings that have come into my life. I hope it will inspire you to take charge of your own health as much as you are able. No human being cares more about what happens to you than you.

The PCOS Rant  

I am twice the woman most women will ever be... and I'm well on the way to three times. My bra size is made colorful by alliteration, and my dress tags read far too close to my age, but I have some news for you! In a society where is is quite acceptable to blame the other guy, I still have to defend my weight as my own uncontrollable sickness every time a walk down a street or through a building. Yet the monster in me is not my appetite. I live with my own worst enemy every day and night, propelled often unsteadily through my day by a body that is slowly killing itself. I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome.

Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, or PCOS, is a silent precursor to many of the diseases that are killing women everyday including type II diabetes, breast cancer and heart disease, just to name a few, and it affects as much as 11% of women everywhere, yet as few as 15% of the women with PCOS know they have it. It is believed that PCOS may be responsible for as much as 70% of infertility cases and there is no known cure. PCOS may also be the underlying cause of obesity, hormonal imbalance, male pattern baldness, irregular menstrual cycles, adult acne, high cholesterol, sleep apnea, and so much more.  

Depressed yet? I know I was. I was very depressed and frustrated and angry for three years, but now those feelings come and go with far less frequency, though their intensity has yet to abate.  

Abate: verb. to become less  

Here's the irony of it all: my mind is not fat. My personality is not fat, and yet “innocent until proven guilty” does not seem to apply to those of us who are abnormally challenged by our bathroom scales. I should not have to be a math whiz to figure out my weight. Yet I must be when the needle swings beyond the maximum two hundred plus pounds and keeps on going! My chest is large enough to protrude beyond my ample stomach so that when I sit and look down I see my only legs, which are not so bad, sticking out from me. It not too awful a site, really, but then I catch a glimpse of myself in a mirror, window pane, or freezer case and I am startled! Since when am I so not slim? Oh, yes. Since forever.  

I haven't weighed less than two hundred pounds since middle school, a point well documented by physicians everywhere. “Have you come in today about a cough? Hop on the scale!” they almost gleefully command with compassion not unlike a Nazi commandant. “Have you come in today with a migraine? Hop on the scale!” “So you're in today about a splinter? Hop on the scale!” Even if you were just in the week before they want to know again, and you have no power to stop it. They say absolute power corrupts absolutely, but in this case it “corrodes absolutely”; corrodes the mind and ability to be tactful. That's the only explanation for seeing a new doctor, who of course has access to all your medical charts, and actually hearing him say, “You know, you need to lose some weight.” Really? I didn't realize, oh wise sage of health. Thank you. I think you may have just saved my life! Sherlock Holmes they are not. I do own a mirror or two, not to mention the fact that I live in this encasement of fat on a daily basis and they just met me! Why don't they let me give them a revelation or two about this body? A medical degree will never grant them access to my mind, my pain or my waist line, such as it is.  

If physicians had more tact and could manage to sound more concerned than condescending it might be a different story, but instead they sound like they believe that my eyes are fat and don't work properly just like the rest of me. Perhaps they believe that the fat has clogged my ears and so I've missed all the other doctors saying the exact same thing to me. Trust me, I've heard it all, including the fertility expert who told me to go see a bariatric surgeon before coming back to him. Granted, I know realize that my body would not deal well with pregnancy for many practical reasons, but the tone of dismissal I received was insulting to say the least.  

Living with PCOS is not easy, but it doesn't have to be devastating either. There are options other than debilitating depression, dangerous dieting, and death by dark chocolate.  The key is you have to want defeat it as desperately as you want air in your lungs just to get through some days with sanity still on your side.  

**Update: PCOS - 5 years Later**  Today I woke up and realized that it’s been five years since I poured my feelings out in written form about the monster that lives within me – yes, I am literally tipping the scales in my favor in my war with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. Not everything I felt then has changed, but much has. To begin with, the monster and I have learned to coexist. Thanks be to God, a few years ago I found a doctor that respects me as the 24/7 combatant of this beast.  He knows I am the one that knows it best as it has manifested itself in my particular and unique body. Together we have found ways to turn my rollercoaster hormones into a straighter, smoother road to travel along – and we have told my insulin what to do with itself. When left to its own devices, my insulin wants to become fat in my abdomen and a few other choice locations.  

I am no longer nearly three times the woman I should be, more like twice now, and I don’t have to be a math whiz to figure out weight on an analog bathroom scale. For some time now, I have avoided the scale altogether. In fact I even shut my eyes at the doctor’s office and kindly ask them not to reveal the not-so-magic number. I simply ask my beloved physician if I am doing well. He has been replying “yes” for almost two years now. The pounds went on over 20 years…dropping them quickly is not recommended. I have thrown out my size 26 shirts in favor of my new 18/20’s.  

So what is my mind set now? I am happy. I am content. I am confused.  

I have learned what I consider to be one of life’s greatest lessons: to be content and even cheerful with the hand life has dealt me. I am at ease with the circumstances I find myself in, and yet there are times I am questioned with horror by some well meaning people around me as to how this could ever be a life I am satisfied with.  

I am happy without having children.  

Are you appalled? Are you confused? Are you skeptical?  

Well if you are you are not alone. It is apparently quite unbelievable to reproducing masses at large that I am content to live my life in a childless haze of happiness. Most respond with, “Why?”   I do realize that my feelings do not line up with the majority, but has it ever occurred to these inquisitive folks that perhaps it is not something I want to share with them – and it may not be any of their business anyway. However, when I tell them that we tried for 6 years to have a child usually I get “the look”. The o-you-poor-thing-what-you-have-suffered-now-I-understand-why–you–have-deluded-yourself look. Well, yes. Suffering and I are not strangers in this area, but I am not deluded. If anything, I feel that holding on to the idea that children will make my life complete would be a delusion. The simple fact is that a frightening number of babies are being born regularly to girls as young as fourteen. This leaves me not just appalled, but also filled with the assurance that my choice not to have babies will in no way lead to the downfall of the human race.  

Then comes one of two responses from the now sympathetic well wisher: “You know when you decide you don’t want children, that’s when it happens” or “you can always adopt”. Both are ridiculous and utterly unhelpful. I came to this state of blissful acceptance about three years ago and the status quo in the baby department is unchanged. I have already mourned for the children I will never have. It was beautiful in its way. Tears were shed, and God and I held many lengthy conversations. It was very special several days to me, and it was the beginning of healing a wound in my life that at one time was nearly debilitating. Now I am no longer wounded…and few can understand, let alone be happy for this fact. However, I’ve chosen to forgive them and not let their judgment cloud my contented state.  

As for adoption, saying that someone can “always” adopt is just about the height of ignorance. It is a lengthy, painful, humiliating, and often expensive process – at least it was for us. We did begin adoption proceedings with a birth mother several years ago. We met with a lawyer, exchanged many phone calls, started to prepare a nursery, and then she backed out when she was 7 months pregnant. We didn’t have a lot of money so we had held a few fundraising events to help pay for the very expensive adoption process. All the money we raised went to pay the lawyer in the end, so at least we were not left childless and deep in debt. My mom even made a baby quilt with the characters of Beatrix Potter – whose stories I love. That quilt is in a box at her house. We were treated to criminal background checks and our house was inspected to be sure it was fit for a human child to inhabit - if only people that could birth their own children were so closely inspected first. No, adoption is not a route we want to go down again.  

And so I am contented. There are a few lines I have to draw, however, in order to keep my sanity and keep a grasp on this happy life. I do not go to baby showers. I send a note of apology for being unable to attend along with a gift. I do love to shop! Shopping for baby items does not make me weepy or angry. The realization of that fact was one of the first indications that I was truly joyful in my childless life.  

I do, sometimes like to imagine the faces of people if I were to ever remove my “polite” filter. My husband and I have been married for over 10 years now. When we meet anyone one, especially other couples, we first exchange names and then they often ask how long we’ve been married. Sometimes they skip that question and go right for the throat – either way we are invariably asked, “So do you guys have any kids?” If it were not for that filter I would happily and cheerfully reply, “Nope. I am barren. And you?” The reproductive portion of the population, and they are the majority, rarely if ever stop for a moment to think that there are people how are unable to have children. Most people are not alright about it like I am. There is a lot of hurt and anger associated with the reproductionally challenged. My thought is that if just once I gave an honest answer like, “I’m barren”, perhaps they would think twice about asking anyone again. Maybe the next time would have been with a woman that really could use a break from the question, and her pain might be averted.  

The funny thing is that, in my experience, people with children usually volunteer information about them without ever being asked. I never ask if people have kids yet I am always hearing about their children anyway. I occasionally wish I knew the magic phrase to shut off the torrent of information about how many months this one is, how the potty training is going, the play-by-play of little league games, and the cutest thing someone just said. Sadly, I do not know a magic phrase, but I digress.  

So, now that you know probably too many details of my experience you can perhaps begin to understand the some of the pain I have felt in my life. Perhaps now you are wondering why I am not rending my garments and shaving my head at least bi-weekly.  I am happy in my circumstances. I am a blessed woman. My husband is outstanding!  My life is pleasantly busy. My family is amazing! My God loves and provides for me. What more can anyone ask for?  

In addition, my life is anything but childless. I have the three most wonderful, beautiful nieces in the world. I am teaching voice lessons to eight young people at this time, ages 7 - 17. My husband and I volunteer with our church youth. Along with a dear friend, I began a youth mentoring theater company in April of this year. Some days I am crawling with kids! I can pour love, encouragement, and wisdom into their lives – and then send them home! It is an amazing arrangement!  

I realize that unless you have experienced the issue of infertility that you will not be able to ever fully understand where I am coming from so you’ll just have to take my word for all this. I am not socially impaired. I am not a child hater. I am not a leper or an alien. I am not envious of people with children.  

I am fulfilled without children. I am 33 (and perilously close to 34), and I am childless and happy!  Why should I be sad and depressed? What good would that do me or anyone? I make spur of the moment plans regularly. I go out at 10 o’clock at night with no though for babysitters or nighttime feedings. I sleep in if I want to. I use the restroom without anyone following me into the room. When at home, I do many unmentionable things with my husband whenever and wherever I want to – my only thought is “Are the blinds closed?” I get loads of work done from my home without interruption. I can watch loud movies late at night. I can dash in and out of gas stations, post offices and wherever without having to unload and reload anyone else in and out of the car. I can leave precious objects and musical instruments unguarded in my home. I have peace and quiet anytime I want it.  

I love my life. My monster is under control. Wouldn’t it be a beautiful world if everyone could say that?